• Skip to main content
  • Skip to secondary menu
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Become a Premium Member
  • About

Road Bike Rider Cycling Site

Expert road cycling advice, since 2001

  • Pinterest
  • Facebook
  • Bikes & Gear
  • Training & Health
  • Reviews
  • Cycling Ebooks
    • Ebooks Training
    • Ebooks Skills
    • E-Articles Training
    • E-Articles Nutrition
  • Member Area
  • Newsletter

Hardly Working

by Scott Martin

Had my employee performance evaluation the other day. I hate to brag, but my rating fell somewhere between “meets expectations” and “keeps chair warm.”

My supervisor and I did the usual dance about duties and contributions, global competencies and focus areas, blah-blah-blah and yadda-yadda-yadda. Bottom line: I get to stay out of the unemployment line. 

Just once, I’d like to participate in an honest performance evaluation, which would look something like this: 

Goals

–Cut in half the time it takes to close cycling website and bring up Fiscal Year Q3 spreadsheet when boss walks into cubicle. 

–Increase core competency skills by traveling to professional enhancement seminars, as long as they don’t start before 9 a.m. and are held in areas with nice weather or at hotels with stationary bikes.

–Squeeze 75-minute ride into lunch hour. May involve overcoming the space-time continuum, which could also offer our company a competitive edge in the marketplace.

–Convince cute co-worker that helmet head is actually hip $75 haircut.

Achievements

–Developed 3 effective late-for-work excuses to go with classic bike commuter’s flat-tire alibi: 1) road closure forced hilly detour; 2) stopped to administer CPR to wheelchair-bound nun; 3) knocked into ditch by road-raging motorist but came into work anyway because of tremendous loyalty to awesome supervisor. 

–Devised booby trap for desk drawer to keep nosy, ravenous co-workers out of personal stash of energy bars.

–Came up with evasive answer about my bike’s value from shifty maintenance guy who everyone says is selling bootleg office supplies on eBay. 

–Helped control company’s healthcare costs by serving as fitness role model while improving office morale by enduring endless cracks about Lycra shorts, shaved legs and surreptitious trips to vending machine for 4:30 p.m. Ding Dongs. 

Scott Martin has been writing about cycling for more than 15 years. He worked as an editor for Bicycling magazine for 10 of them and wrote the “Scott’s Spin” column for RBR from which this is republished. He has also covered cycling for several national magazines.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Tony M says

    July 25, 2019 at 7:43 am

    I’ve missed Scott’s always creative and humorous contributions. Welcome back!!

    Reply
  2. John Yoder says

    July 25, 2019 at 10:48 am

    Always a treat to read one of Scott’s articles.

    Reply
  3. Glenn says

    July 26, 2019 at 6:59 am

    Trains. The late rider’s best friend. I hear their horns and sense freedom.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Search

Recent Articles

  • Newsletter Issue No. 1054
  • ‘Connect’ to Diet-Reverses-Diabetes Study: Even If You Don’t Have the Disease
  • My New Bike: Trek Checkpoint SL 5
  • Weak Muscles Predict Accelerated Aging, Disability and Death

Recent Newsletters

Newsletter Issue No. 1054

Newsletter Issue No. 1053

Newsletter Issue No. 1052

Newsletter Issue No. 1051

Newsletter Issue No. 1050

Footer

Affiliate Disclosure

Our cycling expert editors and writers choose every product we review. We may earn an affiliate commission if you buy from one of our product links, at no extra cost to you. This income supports our site.

Follow Us

  • Pinterest
  • Facebook

Privacy Policy

Still Haven’t Found What You’re Looking For?

Copyright © 2023 · Magazine Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

 

Loading Comments...