by Scott Martin
You want to be a cool cyclist, right? Of course you do. That means navigating the treacherous, roiling waters of cycling style, starting with your…
Socks
This one used to be easy: Serious roadies wore white, ankle-high socks. Then colored socks got popular. (Thanks a lot, mountain bikers.) More recently, we’ve seen mid-calf socks designed to “keep your Achilles warm” — and possibly sell more socks. And now there are compression socks and sleeves that can cover your entire leg up to your knee. The only surefire tip: Never go sockless, unless you’re a track sprinter. Why? You could ask them, but they’re big and mean, so I wouldn’t recommend it.
Glasses
The key here is how your shades look when you’re not wearing them. For maximum coolness, you must be able to turn your glasses upside-down and slip the temples into your helmet vents. Do not buy a pair of $13.99 cheapos from Walgreens because they will fall out and get smashed by your rear wheel. Don’t ask how I know this.
Helmet
First, make sure you don’t wear your lid backward. Yes, I’ve seen it happen. Next, don’t have the front tilted skyward with your forehead glinting in the sun. Finally, trim the excess strap. Anything more than a couple of inches screams “Nerd.” But don’t trim the strap too short or you can never adjust your helmet again. Don’t ask how I know this.
Shorts
If they have holes, it’s time to retire them to trainer-only status. Yes, you have a nice butt. No, we don’t want to see it. Same goes for shorts that have been washed so many times that the side panels resemble see-through lingerie. Unless you’re sponsored by Frederick’s of Hollywood, or Victoria’s Secret.
It’s not so much the shorts with see through side panels that need retired, it’s shorts with a see through rear panel that need tossed in the dumpster! There is nothing worse than riding behind another male with see though shorts!
Which brings up an opportunity for a question of the week.
How do you tell someone you don’t know they need to throw out their shorts?
Add sun faded shorts too. I have many old bibs that are all bronze colored and faded from riding in the intense sun down here in south Georgia.
There is a guy in our small saturday group that has shorts so bad you can see the white elastic on the panels of his shorts. I don’t have the heart to tell him for fear of offending him and because he is overweight and I’m just glad he is out riding.