How should we handle the guy who’s late to every group ride?
Question: One rider in our regular Sunday group is late every single week. Not occasionally. Every week. And here’s the part that really gets me: right at start time, he texts one of us “almost there,” which somehow obligates the whole group to keep standing in the parking lot, because leaving feels rude once you know he’s coming. Last week “almost there” turned out to be 15 more minutes. He’s a friend and a strong rider and I don’t want drama, but I’ve started to dread the text more than the headwind. Do we just roll at the posted time and let him chase? —Greg M.
RBR’S STAN PURDUM REPLIES: Years ago, I led a weekly study group that met on a weekday evening. One man, who was a strong contributor to the discussion, always arrived about 15 minutes late, which was disruptive since the conversation had already started, and as the leader, I felt it necessary to provide a quick catch-up review so he could jump in and contribute. So one day, after our group meeting, I asked him if it would help if we scheduled the start time 15 minutes later. He said, “No, I know myself. I’d probably still be 15 minutes late no matter what time we start.”
Another true story: My wife spent the last several years of her nursing career as director of nursing at a facility for people who needed a lot of daily care. One problem occurred around the shift-change times, when some staff members were often or always late arriving, meaning the people they were replacing had to remain on duty until the latecomers got there. So finally, the administrator decided to offer an additional $50 each pay period to all hourly employees who arrived on time each day they were scheduled to work during that period. No other strings were attached to the $50—just show up on time. My wife told me that some employees never qualified for the bonus.
What these two anecdotes illustrate, I think, is that habitual lateness is something more than losing track of time. Psychologists say the explanation can run from poor planning to the desire to complete just one more thing before departure to an assumption that everything will go perfectly en route to a neurological condition (apparently it’s common in people with ADHD), and more. See this article from Cleveland Clinic on chronic lateness.
In general, people who are chronically late don’t intend any disrespect to the parties waiting on them, but it’s also probable that bringing their lateness to their attention won’t result in any long-term improvement in their running-late habit. See more here.
Regarding your group ride, you’re probably best to begin at the posted time and let him chase. In effect, this is a form of boundary setting. But it would be good to inform him ahead of time that such will be the policy — his texted messages notwithstanding. Don’t have this conversation at the moment he’s arrived late; pick a neutral time, and acknowledge you know he means no disrespect to the group, but that for the good of the schedules of other riders, the start times will be adhered to.
Having to chase a couple of times may be enough to get him to leave home earlier thereafter, but if it doesn’t, and you still want to ride with him, you may be able to plan a few one-on-one rides, getting comfortable with the reality that they probably won’t start on time.
If you make starting the ride on time a standard practice, you may want to have a group discussion about when you will make an exception. For example, how will you handle the start when you hear from someone who is never late that they’ve had a last-minute problem and will be delayed a few minutes? In that case, one solution might be that the ride will begin on time but that a few riders will wait for the latecomer so they can chase together.
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Stan Purdum has ridden several long-distance bike trips, including an across-America ride recounted in his book Roll Around Heaven All Day, and a trek on U.S. 62, from Niagara Falls, New York, to El Paso, Texas, the subject of his book Playing in Traffic. Stan, a freelance writer and editor, lives in Ohio. See more at www.StanPurdum.com.
Agree totally with your response.
Not fair for the entire group to have to wait on one person.
Just explain that group will start on time and follow through. It may or may not change the arrival time of the late rider but the entire group should not have to always wait on one rider.
Thanks for your comment.
Having experienced this many times, and having been a ride leader in all kinds of situations, my answer is really simple. “This group leaves on time.” Because we all know that once we start waiting, then others will start showing up late “knowing” that the group won’t leave on time. If leaving on time means that some people just can’t make the ride, so be it. It is totally disrespectful to the group, even if that is not what is meant.
Having been “that guy” in the past, I know it isn’t meant to be disrespectful even though it really is. It took my riding buddy to explain how he felt about having to wait the extra 15 minutes to change my behavior. As a corollary, I have two groups I often ride with: the first is meet at the agreed time and people are clipped in and ready to ride. The second is show up at the agreed time and get shoes, pump tires, chat, etc. Woe be to that person who shows up at the wrong group!
Jerry, it’s good to know that a riding buddy’s explanation can have a good effect. Kudos to you for taking it to heart!
The rides I lead are butts in saddles at the specified time. I have no tolerance for someone who is consistently late. To me, it’s disrespectful and makes me feel like my time isn’t worth as much as theirs. I say give them a fair warning that for all future rides, you’ll leave at the designated time. If they’re ready, great. If you’re not, good luck chasing us down. This will either change his behavior, or he’ll find another group that will put up with his disrespectful tardiness.
I’ve used this policy in the work environment too. If someone would show up to a meeting more than 5 minutes late, the door was locked and they missed the meeting. Amazing how no one was ever late to my meetings. I also made sure to end the meeting on time, if not early. Respect people’s time.
I agree with others that commented.
If the whole group is on board with being disgusted that he is always late and he has no legitimate excuse, then it’s time to put your foot down. This is an adult not a child so treat him as such. Politely tell him that departure time is at 8AM (for example), the group will leave at 8AM sharp whether he’s there or not, tell him he knows the route simply catch up when he gets to the starting point. When 8am comes, it’s GO time! Go time isn’t at 8:15, or 8:10, or 8:05, it’s at 8:00 sharp.
I have a feeling one of two things will happen once he gets there and see’s everyone has left, either he will put on his man pants and get there on time from then on, or he’ll quit the group ride because he’s not ready to be a man.
The other problem is that as a leader of this group you are not doing a good job of leading, you need to set an example, and be in control, not a control freak, but like a supervisor would be to their employees, when it’s time to go to work at 8 then all employees must be there by 8; if the boss has a problem with an employee coming in late, then there is a discussion, either come in at 8 or don’t bother coming in at all. At work everyone is a team, and everyone needs to be a team player, and thus it is with leading anything including various activities, and this activity is a team activity, so he needs to become a team player and not hold up the rest of the team.
Before you have this discussion with this man, have the discussion with the group and tell them what you are planning on doing, if you get kickback then the team doesn’t care if he arrives 15 minutes late so then wait; but if the team says, no they want to leave at 8 and not wait for someone; then you’ll have the ok to have the discussion with him, and follow up on schedule to leave at 8. You could even tell him that you discussed it with the rest of the team, and they all want to leave on time at 8, so that is when the team will leave from now on.
Good luck, I know being tough is sometimes…well, tough, but as a former employer I know that you have to be tough or your employees will run all over you, one person may be late now, but later on when the others see no action is being taken to stop it, one by one others start coming in late, and eventually you’ll be waiting to 9 am to leave!